PsychicGoldfish Telepathic Transmissions

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

A scale model of the The U.S.S. Enterprise was placed in a wind tunnel (I speak loosely) with gas flow speeds of about 6.6 kilometers per second. The results are interesting. The luminosity photo looks suitable for use as a prop for one of the early movies.

Okay, mostly I want the Generic Superhero Man picture to scroll off the bottom of the list. But it's still an interesting article.

Posted at 12:28 PM

This one really tickled me. I don't know why. Perhaps it's just an acute caffeine deficiency...
Lore Brand Comics

Posted at 5:40 PM

Monday, October 27, 2003

Generic Superhero Man
(My Secret Identity)

As I mentioned in a previous entry, my original idea for a Halloween costume fell through. No big loss, there, I suppose. So I had to beat my head against the wall for a while to figure out an alternate costume for my brother's housewarming/costume party. (Which, by the way, was a lot of fun. Thanks for the invite, guys!)

Finally, this is what I came up with: Generic Superhero Man! (I think the idea was original, although I can't discount the possibility of a random and very obscure meme resurfacing- unattributed- from the back of my brain. The actual costume design is definitely original.) I think it turned out fairly well. The shirt is an ordinary white crew shirt, decorated with an inkjet iron-on logo. The logo is, of course, the ubiquitous barcode. The entire costume is a black-and-white homage to the classic, low-budget generic packaging, where the barcode was the only decoration. (You don't see many of the black-and-white boxes anymore, now that printing costs have dropped low enough that color packaging is an insignificant added expense.) The mask, in generic white, is emblazoned with a similar barcode over the right eye. Pretty snazzy, if I do say so myself. Or, rather, snazzy in a non-snazzy generic sort of way.

Then there's the utility belt. From left to right, it includes a large plastic spoon, an extension cord, a roll of duct tape (the handyman's secret weapon), a hand mixer, a flashlight, and a small towel. I even got to use the tape (to repair the Grim Reaper's scythe), the spoon (to retrieve a lost ladle from the punch bowl), and the flashlight (to find a lost earring back) during the course of the night. I wish I could wear a utility belt in my everyday life. But I suppose it'd ruin my secret identity. And I always have my pockets.

All in all, it was pretty well received. And, for one brief instant, I actually was a low grade superhero!

I suppose I should explain. About a half hour before the party, my brother called and asked me to pick up an ice chest and a few bags of ice. No big deal, although I was somewhat chagrined at the prospect of going shopping in my cape and mask. After picking up the chest at my folks' house, I stopped by a local Stop'N'Rob for the ice. Standing next to the door was a woman in a T-shirt, cutoffs and green rubber rain boots. (An odd fashion choice, to be sure, but I was in no position to comment.) She told me that it was locked, apparently because the clerk was in the back for some reason. I peered through the glass briefly, thanked her, then headed back for my car. But, before I could open the door, she asked me if I could give her a jump-start. Apparently, the store clerk had sold her some cigarettes, then locked the door behind her and went in the back. She discovered that her battery was dead soon after, but the clerk refused to answer her knocking. I was happy to help, of course. What superhero would do otherwise? I dug the cables out of the convenient pouch in my trunk and hooked them up to her car (an old blue two-door compact). It started on the first try. She smiled, complimented me on my costume, and thanked me profusely. I wished her a pleasant evening, and watched as she drove away. Then I set out in search of my ice.

Granted, it's not that inspiring a story. I gave a woman a jump-start. Big deal. But how many times does a man get to help a damsel in distress? While wearing a cape and a mask? That's got to be a red-letter day in anyone's book.

Posted at 9:28 PM

Saturday, October 25, 2003

As my contribution to the culinary arts, here is the recipe for my take on Queso Dip. This is, of course, a close relative to the standard Velveeta Salsa Dip. But trust me, it's much better with the Italian-style diced tomatoes.

Cheese Dip
Serves 6 to 8

Ingredients:
One 16 oz. Brick of Velveeta Mexican Style Cheese
One Can Ro-Tel Bold Italian Diced Tomatoes
One Large Bag White Corn Tortilla Chips

Directions:

1. Cut the Velveeta into small cubes.
2. Combine cheese and Ro-Tel tomatoes in a microwave safe bowl. Do not drain the tomatoes.
3. Loosely cover bowl and microwave on high for five to six minutes, stirring after three minutes.
4. Serve hot with Tortilla Chips. Also works great with corn dogs, hot dogs, and taquitos.

The cheese will stay substantially melted for 45-60 minutes. If necessary, stir the cheese and microwave for another one to two minutes immediately before serving. This recipe also works with double portions, although microwaving time will need to be increased by a minimum of three to four minutes. Be sure and stir every three minutes while cooking larger portions.

Posted at 5:13 PM

Friday, October 24, 2003

Well, my free conciliatory Blogger Hooded Sweatshirt arrived today. Yay. Oh well, free clothes. And now I can look like a big blue Smurf anytime I want.

Posted at 3:43 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Public Service Announcement or Grim Warning?

I can relate. Boy how I can relate. Yup. Yes siree Bob. Uh huh.

This was apparently a real billboard, not a Photo Shop manipulation. Here is a view of it, taken in the wild. I can't find the original source, although based on the original filename (P6270047.JPG), it was apparently picture number 47 taken on 6/27 (of some year). It's just another random meme that passed across my browser.

If you look very closely, you can see it's sponsored by the Kansas City, Missouri Health Department and the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services. (Okay, you can see it if you squint, blow it up big, twiddle the contrast a bit, and search the Web until you find the right combination of phrases to match the partially readable words. Take my word for it. You can see a full-size detail view if you click the image above.) It appears to be part of their local sex education/abstinence campaign. Several municipalities have adopted similar campaigns, including Arizona's somewhat hipper version, complete with TV, print, and radio ads.

I have to say, this is right up there with the "tobacco is wacko (if you're a teen)" anti-smoking ads (featured prominently in many of the finer teen mags and comic books) for the most misguided and poorly executed public health campaign ever. They have the seeds of their own destruction cleverly hidden in the subtext. "It's 'wacko' if you're an immature teenager, but not if you're a grownup!" Gee, Mr. Anti-Smoking Ad Rep, we all know teens aren't trying to act like adults. The logic is flawless! Who do I make the check out to?

And then there's the "I'm planning on growing up to be professional geek, just like Dilbert, so no sex for me!" ad. New rule, guys. If you're going to spend money on a campaign aimed at teenagers, or any group to which you yourself don't belong, take a few minutes to actually show the campaign to one of them first. 10 out of 10 for good intentions. Minus several million for good sense.

Posted at 11:12 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Handy Tip of the Indeterminate Period

Always in a hurry in the morning? Tired of waiting for the hot water in your shower? Try turning on the hot tap on your bathroom faucet while you're running the hot water in the shower. It'll run out the cold water in the hot water pipes between the water heater and the bathroom that much faster. If you feel guilty about the waste, you can always use the water from the faucet to brush your teeth while you're waiting.

Posted at 9:03 PM

Hey! It's the BeeGee's Rhythm Machine! I had one of those! As I remember, I annoyed my family to no end with it. They got it mostly right. It could only play one note at a time, sure. But that also included the rhythm section. So if you held down a key while that fun-kay, fun-kay rhythm was playing, you got instant syncopated "deeee-dee-dee-deee-dee-dee-deeeee" mixed into the beat. Pretty cool. This really brought back memories.

From the Audio Playground Virtual Drum Machine and Synthesizer Museum.

Posted at 10:08 PM

Monday, October 20, 2003

Stephen's Web Referrer System is a simple referrer log. Add a single line of javascript code to your page, and Stephen's Referrer archive will list the sites that sent visitors from their page to your page in the last 24 hours. Let's see if it works:

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That is just depressing. I think it'd be better for my ego if I didn't know.

Posted at 11:16 PM

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Freed from the necessity of an actual, physical presence, people can display even the most banal of everyday items for scholarly and artistic purposes. Take, for example, the online Museum of Coathangers. This virtual exhibition shows us the history of this everyday device, from ancient times, all the way through to today. Innnnteresting!

Posted at 10:18 AM

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Drift - dancer without a body. Rrrriiiiide that meme!

Posted at 6:55 PM

Perseus - The Blogging Iceberg is a statistical analysis of the Blogging public. There are over four million weblogs of various stripes out there... But 66% of them have been abandoned, with over a million being dropped after the first day. Interesting stuff! And it also gives me a bit of an ego. Even with the extended updateless periods, my lowly weblog is well ahead of the curve, both in duration and in activity. Go me!

But, if you want to read a real weblog, check out The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century. It's the story of a man and his accordion, and their adventures on the wild streets of Toronto. It's often just a cheese sandwich blog, but it's all the better for it. I suppose it helps if you actually have a life. I don't know this guy from Adam, but I find myself tuning in nonetheless to see what wacky adventures the man and his squeezebox will get into next. There are worse ways to kill time on the Web.

Posted at 10:03 PM

Samorost is an oddball little flash adventure game that's been making the rounds. (Rrrride that... Oh, nevermind.) It's kind of a cross between Myst, the Little Prince, and a mild acid trip. (Flash required, sound warning.) Click on the little tower at the top of the wooden asteroid to get started.

Posted at 10:24 PM

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

An informative video on the most versatile word in the English language. (This one is NSFW.)

Posted at 8:34 AM

Monday, October 06, 2003

Darth Denied

I don't normally dress up for Halloween. But I was invited to a costume party/housewarming at my brother's place at the end of the month, so I thought I'd go all out. I had a great idea for a costume. Start with a Darth Maul mask. Add an authentic (toy) double-ended light saber, slung low on the hip. Throw in cowboy boots, black pants, black shirt, black trenchcoat, string tie, and black Stetson hat. And the capper: a nametag reading "Hi! My name is Darth Y'all!" Ha! I slay me!

I had almost everything already, so it was going to be cheap. All I needed was the Darth Maul mask itself. You remember Darth Maul, right? Star Wars movie, a couple years ago? Black and red tattoos all over his face? Horns? One of the most popular costumes for adult and child alike that Halloween? I went out shopping for it yesterday, confident that I'd find fifty of them in every size, shape, and price range imaginable.

You would have thought I was asking for an authentic deathmask of John Maynard Keynes. One costume shop after another: "Do you have any Darth Maul masks? You know, from Star Wars: the Phantom Menace?"

"Bwuh? Darth... Mull? Huh? From Star What?"

"Darth Maul. Star Wars. The Phantom Menace. It was a blockbuster movie a couple years ago. Made about 3.7 squintillion dollars on opening weekend. I'm sure you've heard of it." Provided, of course, that you don't have the IQ of a developmentally disabled rock and the memory of a concussed goldfish.

Response: Vague mumbles and waving motions that invariably lead me to the Power Puff Girls birthday party paraphenalia.

The last straw was The Party Place. They specialize in costumes. They even have extended store hours for the Halloween party season. In short, they're the place to go for costumes. (Or at lease a place. H-town has an inordinate number of costumers. They're on every street corner, right next to the gun shops, for your bank robbing convenience.) Dozens of people were in there, wandering around trying to find the ideal costume to dress up their yuppie spawn, while said spawn bawled at the top of it's lungs.

And there were no less than fifteen storeclerks shuffling around like zombies on Thorazine. Maybe they were just getting into the spirit. And each of them was wearing a bright orange vest, with a Jack o' lantern nametag emblazoned with some improbable name like "Rommel" or "Shaniqua" or "Susan" (the latter was a man). On the back, as if to taunt me with the cruel irony, are the words "Costume Expert" in big, friendly black and orange letters.

I asked five of them before I gave up in disgust. "What?" "Huh?" "Que?" "Erm..." "Persimmon redstripe falderal?"

"DARTH... MAUL... STAR... WARS... THE PHA-- From Star Wars. Yes, yes, those are some lovely Power Puff Girls paper plates. Blossom looks especially fetching in that shade of blue. But I need a DARTH MAUL MASK." By then, people were looking on and watching the poor schmoe (that'd be me) surrounded by the ignorant orange vests. Some were shaking their heads in sympathy. Some were trying to help me, by describing the black robes and the scary tattoos. Two of them reenacted the final battle with imaginary lightsabers and vhoom-whooom noises. I think the Star Wars kid made a cameo, but I couldn't get free fast enough to get his autograph and punch him in the head. It was a bad scene.

What really irked me was that none of them was willing to commit to whether they had such a thing or not. It's not a difficult question. It's a small store, and they theoretically work there. It couldn't possibly have been the first day on the job for all of them. One managed to point at the wall with the pictures of the more popular costumes on it. That was the closest thing to a useful answer I received, although Mr. Maul was conspicuously absent from the ghoul lineup. But it never occurred to anyone to actually check anything. You know, on the big shiny box, with that funny looking board with all the letters on it. Even with prompting, they acted like it was a new concept, like I had asked them to divine the location of such a mask using chicken entrails and Velveeta. They just milled around aimlessly, bumped into each other, occasionally mumbled "brains... brains..." (which they clearly needed, I can't argue, but they'd probably just eat them) and pointed in increasingly useless directions. The Spider Man pinatas... The orange-and-black crepe streamers... The bathrooms... The ceiling... The exit... Well, at least that one was useful.

So, no "Darth Y'all" for me. If anyone wants the idea, they can have it. I'm showing up naked, and claiming only honest men can see my awesome costume.

Posted at 2:33 PM

Friday, October 03, 2003

Happy First Annual Post a Picture of a Cat to Your Blog Day!
(Picture via LauraCatoe.com.)

Posted at 12:48 PM

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