I noticed a lot of confustion in our last fire drill and I want to list some of these infractions for you... Such as the kids running around with mouths full of water pretending their teacher was on fire, teachers running for their cars, and the custodian screaming from the locked boiler room. Especially demoralizing was the first fight between the two teachers who ran into each other at the clinic door. Also, it was very embarrassing to see three of our PRO ladies being prodded along with forks the first graders carried from the cafeteria. One teacher has a hernia from trying to carry the ditto machine from the workroom... The spilled fluid made a blue flame. It was reported that at least eight children were sticking halfway out of the hurriedly closed windows, and four teachers were asleep at their desks and had to be roused by the fire marshal. A big mess was created when most of you dumped all of your COINS materials in the middle of the floor. I think it was improper for some of you to lead the children in yells such as "Burn, baby, burn!" The Fire Chief suggests that you do not tell your children to sit in the driveway again. Teachers should use logic in halting classes after a reasonable distance from the building, since it took two hours to locate a class near the Mangum Shopping Center.
These were some of the infractions written on our report. Luckily no one heard the fifth grade cheering when a fourth grade teacher was left locked in a classroom. I hope no one noticed the three teachers who were running out with the coffee pot, or the fat one struggling to get back into her panty hose on the run. I do regret the embarrassment to the teacher in the jump-suit but we never know when a drill will be held!
In spite of the disappointment in this drill, I would like to thank the little girl who untied me from the flagpole.
-The Principal
(Source unknown.)