Over the years, I have come to realize that I speak differently from my friends and colleagues. I grew up in Texas, raised by Texans. I was already doomed right there. My early socialization came almost exclusively from Eighties television sit-coms, which brought it's own obscure language with it. And, I'm an engineer, with all that entails. So, I have grown used to half of what I say, or write, being met with blank stares. To make things worse, I've been told I have the unfortunate tendency to repeat these things ad nauseum, which just makes matters worse.

Therefore, as a public service, or at least a service to those who would attempt the daunting task of having a meaningful conversation with me, I provide the following lexicon. In it, you will find many of the oddball words and phrases that have found their way into my day-to-day speech. Some are merely obscure words you could find in a decent colloquial dictionary. Some are odd sounds or phrases that have origins in television or other media. And some simply defy explanation. But all have earned me an odd look, or a request for clarification, or otherwise created confusion. So, without further ado, here it is:

How to Speak Nathan

Common Words and Phrases

Word or Phrase Explanation
ack! Subvocal expression of distates. First coined by Bill the Cat, of "Bloom County" fame.
annnyway A dismissive, somewhat snide method of changing the subject. A comedian, whose name is now lost, had an entire bit dedicated to the word. To be differed from a normal anyway, which is usually used as a simple transition to another topic, or back from a digression.
beef A complaint or problem. Traditional phrase, predominately used in the Bronx and it's environs, as in "Hey! What's your beef?"
behind the door Significantly inferior. Generally used in the negative, in comparison to another person. Originated from the longer schoolyard insult, "He must have been standing behind the door when the brains were passed out."
"Albert Einstein was one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen."
"Yeah, but Stephen Hawking isn't exactly behind the door, either."
Buddy Bear One who always does what the group does. Usage generally reserved as a cautionary reminder for those who dissent in group decisions, such as choice of restaurants. From the "Garfield" cartoon show, in which a group of vaguely sinister "Care Bear"-esque teddy bears would sing:
We are the Buddy Bears!
We always get along!
And if you don't agree,
then you must be wrong!
The cartoon-within-a-cartoon would then go on to show all the bears getting together to play at one game, save for one bear who decides he doesn't like the game. This ursine iconoclast would then be crushed by a 16 ton safe, thus teaching the useful childhood lesson, "If you don't do what the group wants, a 16 ton safe will be dropped on your head." See this editor's note.
bwah! Subvocal expression of alarm. Used primarily in e-mails.
bwuh? Subvocal expression of puzzlement. Used primarily in e-mails. Originated with the felonious but ignorant Snake, of "The Simpsons" fame.
dagnabbit A substitute expletive. Old American, now mostly in disuse.
dink An offensive idiot.
foo A substitute expletive, used in place of another more vulgar F-word. Sadly, not as satisfying, since it doesn't end in that nice, hard K sound. From computer programming terminology. FOO and BAR are often used as generic variable names or similar placeholders by computer programmers. Probably derived from the military term acronym FUBAR (F***ed Up Beyond All Recognition).
git An excessively stupid or unpleasant person. This is a traditional English insult, introduced by old episodes of the BBC sci-fi comedy "Red Dwarf."
give it a miss Don't bother to attempt or consider the subject at hand.
"Do you want to rent Ishtar?"
"Oh, let's give it a miss. I've heard it's terrible.
hooping funt An expletive substitution. Surprising useful in a variety of phrases, like "I don't give a hooping funt!" or "What the hooping funt is going on here?" From the old TV sitcom "Blossom." Once used interchangeably with twinking foop, which has now fallen into disuse.
hrm Subvocal expression of thought or pensiveness. Used primarily in e-mails. Variant forms include hmm and hrmm, with additional M's added for emphasis.
hrmph Subvocal expression of offense or disdain. Used primarily in e-mails.
kibosh To put an end to something, to make something unworkable, as in "Those car repairs put the kibosh on his vacation plans." Commonly used in "hardboiled" detective fiction, by Sam Spade, Mike Hammer, Philip Marlowe and the like.
kipe To steal. A corruption of cop, as in "to cop a feel," although some authorities speculate it is the other way around. Commonly used in "hardboiled" detective fiction, by Sam Spade, Mike Hammer, Philip Marlowe and the like.
kit bash To build hastily from whatever parts are available. Originally taken from the Marvel Super Heroes RPG Player's Book, page 61, dealing with rules for hastily building high-tech gadgets.
mneh Unenthusiastic acquiescance or lukewarm opinion about the topic at hand. Used almost exclusively in e-mails, since the pronounciation is uncertain. A reference to Lockheed from the Marvel's X-Men comics. Lockheed was a small purple dragon kept as a pet and sidekick by Kitty Pryde, AKA Shadowcat. The creature could not speak, but seemed to understand English well enough, and usually responded with his own small set of semi-verbal noises. See also pfui.
number 12 A reference to an old joke. Generally said in response to a joke that falls flat, or an inside joke told without shared context.
oy A Yiddish exclamation of consternation, as in "Oy vey!" Roughly translated in English as woe. Thought to have originated, or at least to have been reinforced, by Nathan's 12th grade English teacher, who was also not Jewish.
pfui Displeasure or contempt about the topic at hand. Used almost exclusively in e-mails. A reference to Lockheed from the Marvel's X-Men comics. Lockheed was a small purple dragon kept as a pet and sidekick by Kitty Pryde, AKA Shadowcat. The creature could not speak, but seemed to understand English well enough, and usually responded with his own small set of semi-verbal noises. See also mneh.
rabbit on To talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner. Traditional English phrase, introduced by a rather obscure version of Monty Python's famous Lumberjack Song:
"Oh, sod it! I didn't want to do this! I don't want to be a weather forecaster! I don't want to rabbit on all day about sunny periods and patches of rain spreading from the West. I wanted to be... A lumberjack!"
Also featured in the BBC shows "Blackadder" and "Red Dwarf."
{snort} An onomatopoeic "emoticon" used exclusively in e-mails to indicate mild displeasure or contempt regarding the subject at hand. Contrast with mneh and pfui above.
whee A decidedly unenthusiastic response to "Are we having fun yet?" or similar questions. Usually spoken quietly in a high monotone.
yoiks! General expression of consternation or alarm. Variant of yikes!
Yuppie food stamp A twenty dollar bill, when used for paying one's share of a meal. "I'm going to need some change. All I've got is Yuppie food stamps."

Common Expressions

Phrase Explanation
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it." This is a commonly used quotation of E. B. White, the author of the book "Charlotte's Web." For some reason, Nathan often finds himself explaining why something really is funny. Go figure. Some sources site the quotation as "Humor is like a frog. You can dissect it but it dies in the process." It's surprising how many pithy quotes are in fact rephrasings by the person doing the quoting.
Around Robin Hood's barn. The longest way around possible, either figuratively or literally.
Don't make me separate you! A threat. Takes on an entirely new and frightening meaning when addressed to an individual. From the cartoon "Pinky and the Brain."
Everyone back on your heads. Time to get back to work. From a very old joke.
I haven't had so much fun since the pigs ate my little brother! A general non-commital answer to "How's it going?" or similar questions. The interpretation depends upon how one feels about their theoretical little brothers. Texas origin, possibly limited to immediate family.
Math is Hard! Generally said when the speaker completely botches a mathematical calculation. A reference to "Teen Talk Barbie," a talking electronic doll released in 1989. The doll created something of a (debatably justified) stir with the women's liberation movement, when it was discovered that the doll was programmed which such phrases as:
  • "Math is hard!"
  • "I love shopping!"
  • "Will we ever have enough clothes?"
No comments from the Peanut Gallery. No wise-ass observations about the topic at hand are desired. A reference to the popular fifties children's show, "Howdy Doody." In the show, the live audience of children, and by extension the viewers at home, were referred to as the "Peanut Gallery." They were sometimes encouraged to participate, or answer questions, but they always had at least one line at the beginning of the show:
Buffalo Bob: Say kids, what time is it?
Peanut Gallery: It’s Howdy Doody time!
Pancakes, because red dogs don't like motorcycles. A complete nonsense phrase, often used to answer a nonsensical or unanswerable question. Originates with the Mr. Truitt, Nathan's 12th grade Government and Economics teacher.
Pillowcase! Staple gun! A deliberate attempt to speak in non sequiter, either to be unpredictable or to be contrary. Originally said by Harry Anderson, as Judge Harry Stone on "Night Court." Judge Stone was attempting to outsmart a very annoying man who said everything everyone around him said, at exactly the same time they said it. (Note the irony.)
So, how about that Babylonian Tupperware? An obvious, awkward attempt to start conversation or change the subject. From a Robin Williams routine, "Come Inside My Mind," in which he narrates the inner working of a comedian whose routine has gone horribly wrong.
So, how about that local sports team? An obvious, clumsy attempt to start conversation or change the subject. Said by the "Simpson's" Montgomery Burns, in a painfully awkward attempt to start a conversation with "the common man."
Sure is a lot of weather we're having lately. A deliberately lame attempt to start conversation or change the subject, generally as a comment on awkward silences. Origin unknown.
That flies up my nose [with a bottle brush]. That is really, really annoying or infuriating. Originally said by Harry Anderson, as Judge Harry Stone on "Night Court."

The following references were used in compiling this lexicon:

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