The New and Improved Breast Enhancing Ringtone

In September of 2004, a new and exciting personal electronics accessory was revealed. Hideto Tomabechi, Japanese brainwashing and deprogramming expert, revealed "Rockmelon," the amazing breast enlarging ringtone. (News articles here, here, and here.) The ringtone uses subliminal effects to "make the brain and body move unconsciously," in a fashion designed to promote growth of the mammaries. The tone is difficult to find for US phones, but the good folks over at Engadget managed to get ahold of an MP3 version (slower mirror also available). Go listen to it. We'll be here when you get back.

Now, as impressive (and doubtlessly effective) as that is, we here at PsychicGoldfish.com have a few problems with it. First, it's been described as sounding like an Yngwie Malmsteen guitar solo, which is no bad thing in and of itself. We agree with that description, provided that said solo is being played in the back of an empty high school locker room. Backwards. It's not very appealing as a ringtone. It sounds more like a severe technical difficulty than a cellphone ring.

The second problem, however, is more than a simple matter of taste. Rockmelon is just too subtle for the casual cellphone user. Sure, it works fine for mammarily-challenged chatterboxes who hear their ringtones every few minutes. But what about normal women who desire breast enlargement, yet only receive one or two calls a day?

After weeks of painstaking research and development, the PsychicGoldfish team has developed a new and improved breast enhancing ringtone. Our research has shown that it has the same effects as the Japanese tone, but with sufficient psychological and subliminal punch to create similar results with only one or two exposures. Simply download the MP3 ringtone below, and convert it using your favorite MP3 to ringtone conversion software. (Check your owner's manual for details.)

Try it for yourself! We guarantee that the potent sonic cues in our new and improved breast enhancing ringtone will produce startling results almost immediately! The PsychicGoldfish scientific team has even created a soothing musical version, for your listening enjoyment. (Music courtesy of Freeplay Music.)

Testimonials

I put your ringtone on a continuous loop for a solid month. I'm only 15, but now I have gazongas that won't quit! I love it! - Jonathan Smith, Dallas, Texas

Your ringtone has done wonders for my dancing career! - Vivica Va-Va-Voom, Las Vegas, Nevada

Your ringtone has done wonders for my singing career! - Britney Spheres, Los Angeles, CA

My rottweiler has never been sexier! - Roger Thomas, Seattle, Washington

We'd love to see your questions, testimonials, and especially before-and-after pictures. Good luck, and crank up that cellphone volume!